


Fall

by xJane



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xJane/pseuds/xJane
Summary: The tears were falling down now, wetting Eliott’s hands, but he didn’t let go.“Lucas,” he breathed. “God, Lucas.”They sat for a while, just breathing each other in, looking at each other with new eyes.“All our lives…”, Lucas said mournfully. “We have wasted all that time…”***Or the one where Lucas and Eliott missed their chance. Until...
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 28
Kudos: 110





	Fall

Eliott looked at the clock as he closed his computer. He had been editing the footage of his newest movie, and nowadays being hunched over a computer screen meant vague, nagging muscle aches in his back and shoulders. He took off his glasses and rubbed through his eyes. Another consequence of aging, he thought with a wry smile, as he carelessly dropped the glasses on top of his notes.

Lucas should be in soon, with the ingredients for a delicious meal, and Eliott wanted to sit in the kitchen with him, maybe have a drink, while Lucas cooked.

He had always liked to watch Lucas prepare food. He liked to see the strong, certain hands move about with confidence and grace. It was the next best thing to watching him play the piano - but with his arthritis, playing had become a bit less of a regular occurrence over the past few years.

But at least there still was the cooking. Lucas had developed a real knack for it during the years they had lived together, after being subjected to Eliott’s flavor combinations once too often. When Lucas had moved out to go live with - had it been Pascal? Eliott thought so -, he had genuinely been worried about Eliott starving. To be honest, Eliott had at that point resorted to ordering pizza more than once a week, like in their high school days. But when things hadn’t worked out between Lucas and Pascal, Lucas had started to come over almost daily, to make sure Eliott had a healthy meal.

Lucas had, for all intents and purposes, been the only constant in his life. Ever since high school, Lucas had been there for him. Not just to cook for him, no. Every episode Eliott had been through - Lucas had been there. Every successful movie had been celebrated with Lucas. Every break-up had been drowned in alcohol with Lucas. And in return, Eliott had been there to grieve with Lucas when his mom had passed away, and had been his proudest fan when Lucas had won an award for his scientific research. And the last time Lucas’ dad had sneered at Lucas for wanting to bring a boyfriend to some family function, Eliott had punched him in the face. It hadn’t been his best moment, and they had had to grovel to the asshole afterwards to keep him from pressing charges, but Lucas had thanked Eliott and called him his hero, and that was really the only thing that mattered.

He heard Lucas’ key in the door. They had had keys to each other’s flats for years. He remembered when he moved in here. It had been after he had broken up with Jocelyn, and he’d been looking for a place to live. He’d crashed at Lucas’ for a while - where else? - and just then, the apartment three doors down from Lucas became vacant, and Eliott had signed the lease an hour later.

“Hi, Eli,” Lucas greeted him, as Eliott came closer to take over one of the shopping bags. “All done for today?”

“Yeah,” Eliott answered as they unpacked the ingredients for a curry. “Thought I’d keep you company.”

Lucas’ smile never failed to warm his heart, even after all these years, after the billions and billions of times he’d witnessed it.

It was not the same smile anymore - there were wrinkles and dark spots on Lucas’ face now, and his hair was a lot more pepper-and-salt than it had been when he was sixteen. Eliott supposed he didn’t look like the dashing eighteen-year-old anymore either - looking in the mirror to shave was honestly a shock these days. But Lucas - Lucas might have changed, but he still looked every bit as gorgeous as he did back then.

Eliott settled at the table, watching Lucas cut up some vegetables as the rice was boiling and the naan bread was being heated up in the oven.

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me on Saturday,” he said. “I could use a new shirt for Maya and Lola’s anniversary.”

Lucas turned his head and nodded.

“Sure. I can’t believe it, though. It seems like we went to their wedding just yesterday.”

Eliott’s thoughts went to the beautiful autumn day the two girls spoke their vows to each other.

“You were my date, weren’t you?”, he asked.

Lucas laughed.

“I think I was your date for all of our friends’ weddings.”

Eliott wanted to protest, but then he thought things through. Basile and Daphné had been the first to tie the knot, rather hastily, to everybody’s surprise. The real reason came five months later, when their baby girl was born. He and Lucas had both been single at the time of the wedding, so they had decided to go together. Then Imane and Sofiane - hadn’t Eliott been dating that friend of Idriss at that point, what was his name again? Ah, yes, Eric. But Eric had been doing a nursing apprenticeship and hadn’t been able to get the time off, so he and Lucas had gone together again. Then Maya and Lola. Then there had been a few years without a wedding, until Arthur and Alexia had decided to go for it. That had been right after Eliott’s last try with Lucille, and he had almost skipped the whole wedding, but Lucas had convinced him and they had actually had so much fun at the wacky party the two had thrown.

Ah, all those weddings. The hopeless romantic in Eliott still regretted he had never gotten to put a ring on anybody’s finger. He had tried, though. He had dated a lot, years ago. But it never worked out. There was always something missing. He’d never felt that spark, that feeling of not being able to live without the other. Lucas had come close, once, with Christian. Lucas had always been more serious at relationships. He never really believed in casual dating, always going in with everything he had. And with Christian, it had really been good for a few years. Eliott still felt guilty that they had broken up, even though Lucas had told him numerous times it wasn’t his fault, and even if it was, Lucas still wouldn’t want it any other way. Christian had been jealous of the bond between Eliott and Lucas, as Lucas had confessed that teary, drunken night when he had come over to Eliott’s after the break-up. Eliott supposed it might be hard to accept that your fiancé slept in another guy’s bed sometimes. They had done that all their lives, but when Lucas got engaged, they had stopped - except when Eliott had an episode. Then Lucas would still drop everything and crawl under the blankets with Eliott and hold him until the light came back in Eliott’s eyes. Christian had apparently given Lucas an ultimatum, and Lucas had refused to abide by it, so Christian had demanded his ring back and left.

Lucas placed a steaming bowl in front of him. Eliott smiled in gratitude.

“Smells heavenly, as always, Lu.”

“By the way,” Lucas said, as he sat down across Eliott, “I need your help too. Marc called. He wanted pictures of his dad from high school, for his birthday celebration. That means I have to go through a bunch of old hard drives…” Lucas groaned, as he took a bite. “I told him to call Daphné, because she has all that stuff organized, but he said he’d already done that and she had directed him to me, since she didn’t have all that many pictures of Yann.”

Eliott laughed out loud.

“Makes sense. It wasn’t Daphné who had a secret crush on Yann.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Lucas said. Eliott could see the intention to splash some curry at him in Lucas’ eyes. Years ago, he would have followed through, and they would have had an epic food fight. Now, though, the idea of having to clean the kitchen afterwards was enough to stay his hand. But Lucas knew Eliott could read his thoughts, and they smiled. They had shared so much fun. Sure, there had been some misery too, but the fun was way more important.

“It’s okay. I’m sure it’s not abnormal for closeted gays to have a crush on their best friend. At least it was only Yann. It would have been really embarrassing if you had more secret crushes on your friends.”

“Well,” Lucas said. He put down his spoon, and hesitated. “It wasn’t only Yann, though.”

“What?” Eliott had never heard about any other secret crush. “Lucas, we’ve been through thick and thin together for all these years, these many, many decades, and this is the first I hear of this!” He brought his hand to his heart, swooning.

Lucas shrugged.

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Dramatic! My best friend keeps secrets for me!” He wanted to continue his act, but his curiosity was stronger. “So you had a crush on Arthur? When?”

“Not Arthur,” Lucas said, picking up his spoon again, and focusing on his bowl. He stared at it as if the answers to all his questions were hidden somewhere under the rice.

“Not Arthur? Lucas, don’t tell me you had a crush on Basile,” Eliott almost shrieked, incredulously.

He almost missed Lucas’ minute shake of the head.

“Not Basile either? But, then -”

Who else had been part of the gang in high school? It had to have been in high school. Lucas had come out during his last year, and he started dating what’s-his-name, Philippe, that same summer.

“Who then?”

Lucas looked up, and stared right at Eliott with raised eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.

It took way too long for Eliott to connect the dots, but when he did, his heart stopped beating and all the blood drained from his face.

“Do you mean…”, he whispered, “Me?”

Lucas shrugged again, like it was no big deal.

“Really?”

Eliott heard his voice catch on the word. He never knew, never even imagined…

“Remember when all of us painted that foyer together?”

He nodded. Daphné had been on their asses for days, and even though Eliott had not felt well, he’d agreed to help out the gang.

“I spent most of the time looking at you painting,” Lucas said, a bit self-deprecating. “I wished it was just the two of us, I wished… I don’t know. You looked so hot.”

Eliott sat silently, watching Lucas, who looked slightly uncomfortable now.

“But - you never said anything…”

“I wasn’t out. And anyway, you were with Lucille. I didn’t even know you were pan at the time. What would have been the point?”

And Lucas was right, of course. Eliott had been with Lucille. But if he had known - if he had had the tiniest inkling he could have had Lucas -

He couldn’t sleep. Lucas and he had finished their meal, talking about their friends and their jobs and when they planned to retire and whatever they usually talked about, and Lucas hadn’t seemed to notice Eliott’s absentmindedness. After dinner they had watched a movie together, cuddled up under one of Eliott’s blankets, and Eliott didn’t have a clue as to its plot. All he had been thinking about was Lucas’ casual revelation. Lucas used to have a crush on him.

God. If he had known then… If he had been brave enough to make a move, if Lucas had come out sooner, if -

If only.

Because with those matter-of-factly words, uttered on a run-of-the-mill Tuesday evening in Eliott’s kitchen, just after seven, everything suddenly had clicked into place inside Eliott.

It was Lucas. It had been Lucas all along, all these years, always. Only Lucas. And they had wasted an entire lifetime, they could have had it all, they could have been together - together in each and every way, partners, boyfriends, lovers. Husbands, maybe.

He remembered suddenly with aching clarity that party they had held in the foyer, how Eliott had kissed Lucille but sought Lucas with his eyes, how he had found him, staring right back at Eliott. How he had thought in that very second that he would kill or die just to get to kiss Lucas. But the moment had passed, and well - Eliott had blinked his eyes, and here he was, an old man, who suddenly realized he met his soulmate at age eighteen and had been too blind to see the truth right in front of him.

He had to talk to Lucas, had to tell him - had to lay bare his soul, his heart, and tell Lucas he loved him, always had, always would. Even if for Lucas it might have been just a high school crush, something barely remembered, something to reminiscence about fondly - Eliott needed to speak his truth.

He climbed out of his bed, debated putting on actual clothes, but then thought better of it. Lucas had seen him in way less fabric than pajama pants and a t-shirt. He just slid into his shoes and went down the hallway.

Just as he was about to get out his key, the door opened and there stood Lucas, similarly attired in his sleeping sweatpants, a hoodie - Lucas always ran cold - and his house shoes, his keys in his hand.

“Oh!”, Lucas startled. “I, uh - I was about to come over.”

Eliott was too hyped up to smile. They had been in sync like this for as long as he could remember.

“No need, I guess…”

Lucas moved aside, and in a synchronic choreography that came with years of practice, they settled on the couch, Eliott leaning against the backrest, Lucas crawling close and pulling a blanket with him as he laid his head against Eliott’s chest, Eliott’s arm around Lucas’ shoulders.

“Why did you wanna come over?”, Eliott asked as soon as they were settled. It was dark in Lucas’ living room, the only light seeping in from outside through a gap in the curtains.

“I couldn’t sleep… I wanted to talk to you, I -” He cut himself off. “Why did you?”

“Same. I wanted to tell you something… I know it’s probably silly but I just - I had a crush on you too, Lucas, back then. I wanted you so badly.”

Lucas lifted his head, and in the dark Eliott tried to decipher the emotions flashing through his big eyes.

“You never said,” Lucas finally whispered, after a long pause.

“I know. I wish I had, though… We could have…”

And Lucas realized it too. Eliott saw it happening on his expressive face. He saw the exact time Lucas realized, but then his eyes went dark, and he laid his head down on Eliott’s chest again. Eliott felt his heart beat irregularly, and he wondered if Lucas could feel it too.

“It was a long time ago,” Lucas said finally.

And Eliott could have left it at that, but he wanted Lucas to know.

“Not for me.” He grabbed Lucas’ hand, as he had done countless times, and placed it delicately over his heart. “Not for me, Lucas.”

Lucas didn’t move, and Eliott bowed his head, letting it rest on top of Lucas’ hair.

He trusted Lucas with everything, had trusted him with his life since they were young and reckless teenagers. Now it was time to trust him with his heart, too.

“I’m sorry I didn’t understand it sooner, Lucas. I’m sorry it took me almost half a century, but - it’s you. I had a crush on you back then, yeah, but - I don’t think I ever stopped. I’m in love with you. There could never be anybody else because it always, always, always, since I was eighteen and saw you in the hall on my first day back in school, has been you.”

He saw tears well up in Lucas’ eyes, and he placed his hands on Lucas’ cheeks and gently wiped them away with his thumb.

“It’s okay, Lucas - nothing has to change between us. I am so fucking grateful you are my best friend, you are in my life, I just - when you said that earlier, during dinner, it all fell into place and I wanted you to know. But we can continue as we always have. Nothing has to change.”

“That’s not it,” Lucas mouthed, so softly Eliott had to strain to hear. “That’s not it. It’s… It’s just - Eliott, I’m in love with you too. I don’t think I ever stopped, either, even when I was with other men, I just - they weren’t you.”

The tears were falling down now, wetting Eliott’s hands, but he didn’t let go.

“Lucas,” he breathed. “God, Lucas.”

They sat for a while, just breathing each other in, looking at each other with new eyes.

“All our lives…”, Lucas said mournfully. “We have wasted all that time…”

And suddenly Eliott didn’t want to think about what could have been anymore. He was here, and Lucas was here, and they loved each other. They were in love with each other. It took them a lifetime, but some people never found love. They had, they had found love, and they had to grab it and run with it and take this opportunity and never, ever let go.

“But there still is so much time, too, Lucas! Another lifetime, maybe. Years and years in which we can be together, in which we can love each other.”

He wanted to kiss Lucas, not on the forehead like he had done sometimes, over the years, but on the lips. He wanted to taste Lucas, explore him, take him to bed and make up for the lost time.

They could still have it all. Partners, boyfriends, lovers. Husbands, maybe.

Lucas smiled through his tears.

“You think so?”

“Yes. Yes, Lucas. The past doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you are here, and that I want to kiss you, so, so fucking badly. Please, let me kiss you until you forget your name.”

“You are old, Demaury,” Lucas said, but his indulgent smile told Eliott everything he needed to know.

“But not dead yet. And I can still make you fall apart, Lallemant. Or are you scared you can’t keep up?”

They had known each other for decades. Eliott knew exactly which buttons to push. Lucas knew exactly what Eliott was doing. But it didn’t matter, because Lucas lifted his head, and Eliott bowed his, and their mouths found each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out any mistakes.
> 
> And comments. I like comments. I think comments probably can cure Covid-19.
> 
> <3


End file.
